What We Focus on We Make Grow
In the book I am writing I find myself delicately skirting around the chapter that depicts the greatest trauma I have ever experienced. It was last weekend, during a rainy walk to the Badlands National Park campground showers, that I began to draw parallels to the anchor that pulled me through that time.
To and from the showers I had no headlight, was ankle deep in water puddles and darkness. My mind ran with fear-based stories surrounding the potential risks associated with the situation I was in and although I was quite aware of the thoughts, it didn’t stop my heart from increasing in pace and the tension in my gut to tighten.
As trauma healing has taught me, I practiced allowing the physiological response to be the indicator of where my mind was and I used my breath to check myself. It was at that exact time that I instinctively looked up.
I realized that with downcast eyes I had been fixated on what was directly in front of me – which at this time was complete darkness. For purposes of self-preservation I felt that to make it to my destination it was necessary to look into the darkness to prevent any negative outcome that may derive from a misstep. I focused on the blackness of the sidewalk and stared endlessly into the dark spaces attempting to find comfort in seeing something. Anything. The deeper I looked for grounding in spaces unrevealed, the more anxious I became.
When my breath prompted me to look up I realized there was someone in the distance with a headlamp on and this immediately brought me a sense of safety. Because I allowed myself to lock onto this small light in the distance my eyes then caught sight of another RV with lights on, and while each dismal light was multiple sights away I realized that when I focused on the light a sense of peace washed over me. I was not alone. When I had focused on the darkness I became entrenched in a feeling of longing and hopelessness. When I literally focused on the light I felt secure and it validated an internal knowing that there was an end to this momentary period of dark. I simply had to keep walking toward the light.
What I learned years prior, during the time I was healing from emotional, mental and physical trauma, was that when I focused on all the sh*t that had happened, the dark circumstances, I felt heavier. I felt burdened by guilt, shame, resentment, pain and fear and this created debilitation. The anchor which I learned over time was that when I was able to keep my mind focused on that which I desired - peace, healing, joy, love, forgiveness, my heart shifted and I was able to make it through the difficult moment, the difficult week, and the difficult years by choosing what I focused on. It took practice, but it saved me.
Let us Remember -
When we call upon Universal truths, we remember that darkness cannot exist without light and light exists because of darkness. If you allow it, the darkness that becomes present in your life can serve as the vehicle to reveal the beauty of light. The freedom that comes with light. Without judgment, both darkness and light have a purpose on this planet and subsequently in your life. When you focus on the darkness during a heavy circumstance, you will find more darkness and you will very likely remain in the same anxious pattern it creates. When in dark times, remember that by its very nature there is light to be found. It would not exist otherwise. Light exists when we look up. Look up for the light in your life. Look for the wisdom that is to be revealed to you through the darkness. If you remain steadfast, with a fierce determination and a knowingness that where there is darkness there is also light, rest assured it will appear.